Saturday, November 30, 2013
Long ago, when I was a Deputy, a great deal of thought went into preperation for every shift. My duty gear had to be clean and adjusted properly to maximize accessibility and ease of use. My vest had to adjusted to provide the best protection and my mind had to be right. Issues of home and family were compartmentalized and maximum attention was focused on the job. Be sharply aware of my surroundings, the actions of the people around me, traffic, and always prepared to react to the unexpected.
These days as I am getting ready for work I usually just have a bad attitude. The attention to detail that once defined my focus is but a memory. I suppose that because I perceive my job as a Veterans Affairs Police Officer as so much safer than being on the streets I have become complacement in the measures that very well could save my life or the lives of others. This is a mental issue I must find a way to overcome.
Where I work there are still a number of older vets, but honestly, they present little threat due to age and disabilities. The danger now comes from increasing numbers of younger vets returning from recent missions. These guys are as a rule highly trained, younger, stronger and faster. They also lack to values and respect that the older vets have for society and more importantly authority. This younger generation are more likely to initiate conflict and less likely to back down. It is a result of this era's value system and the way they were trained.
Many have substance abuse problems, which when thrown into the mix elevates the potential danger.
Back in the day, as I got ready for work I would play a "what if" game in my mind, thinking of all the possibile scenarios I could encounter on a shift, and how I would react. I should probably take up this practice again. I read reports all the time about incidents that occur at VA Hospitals all over he country with horrible outcomes. Eventually the law of averages will find us here and I will have to be ready for anything.
Sadly, I too am aging and not nearly as capable physically as I was just a few years agao. This is partly due to laziness, as in my off time I seldom due anything that would benifit my health. This is something I often I say I will change, but never do. It is also a known fact that as we get past a certain age it becomes more difficult to get in shape once we have let ourselves go. Diet, matabalism, preexisiting health issues, blah, blah, blah. But true none the less.
I am much closer to 50 now than 40. A fact that crosses my mind at least once a day if not more. It depresses me. I don't want to get old damnit! Im. not saying that I want to live forever, but it would be nice to still be active and productive late into my 60's or even my early 70's. Of course, barring the unxepected accident, I know this possible but only if I do something soon to achieve said goal. And with that being said, let's move this thing along.
From time to time I have said that writing is an outlet for me. A way to vent, express myself, share thoughts, or just tell a story. This venue is not the only place I've written, and some of what Iv'e written has been, well, kind of out there. As for this blog...I had hoped to revive it after a long break but have found that it should really be left alone. For one thing, I am not the same person I was when I started this thing. Another issue is that the job I do now is quite frankly boring as shit. Reading about my work would be like watching paint dry or grass grow.
As I sit here now staring the keyboard, it also occurs to me that these days I really don't like myself much anymore. I have far more failures in my life than successes, and who the fuck wants to write about all of thier shortcomings, let alone expect someone else to want to read about them. Iv'e also been told recently that some things I post are less than appropriate for this type of forum. Considering some of my posts, and the person that told me this, I have to agree.
Now, having said that I believe I am going to permanently retire TEN-8. This, my final post here and will remain up for a few more days, then the entire blog will be taken off line.
Will I continue to write? Sure. And will it be a Blog? More than likely. But you can be sure that my boring ass job, and my personal problems will not be topics covered. I spent considerable time thinking about this and have come to one solid conclusion. Whatever I write needs to mean something. I would like it be something other than a useless collection of babbling about shit no one other I myself cares about. Something project oriented that could possibly be of use to someone. Maybe something that could in some way be inspirational. I'm probably reaching, but just maybe I can turn some of my own negatives into a possitive and show someone else how to do the same thing.
I suppose that brings me to end of this post, and the end of this publication. For the Forty-Nine or so faceless readers that have come along as I wrote. Thanks for reading it. It's time to go now.
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Our daughter Nikki recently started her internship as a radiation tech and continues to excel at Jamestown university.
Our son Alex is still home with some health issues but is hopeful about the future and the prospect of starting his higher education.
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
My jurisdiction is limited to the hospital grounds. Legally I couldn't respond to an emergency across the street without violating a half dozen regulations. By the same token, I can't get out if my car and beat the living shit out of someone no matter how much they deserve it if they are not on VA property.
Sadly, the grotesquely overweight herd of bitches making swine noises at me as I drove past them, were off property and safe from my wrath.
I was forced to ignore them when every fiber of my being said to stop and empty my pepper spray on they're chubby faces.
All three appeared to be one Baconator away from gastric bypass and had the audacity to suggest that I am a pig.
Next month will be a year since I stopped posting here and I have to say that I miss it. Writing had always been a way for me to vent as well as reflect in my life and the things that influence it.
I backed away from this due to a change in employment and concerns about how writing would affect my job security. I have learned over the last several months is that if writing about work stuff is the worst thing I do, I'll be okay.
With that being said, I'm back. I'm not sure which direction it will go at this point, but you can expect a hodgepodge of material that includes some work crap as well material closer to home.
Fair warning...being a Veterans Affairs Police Officer is absent much of the flavor found in civilian law enforcement. This job provides little excitement and is honesty simply a means of taking care of my family.
I'm hoping some old followers will welcome me back as I look forward to sharing this new phase of my life with some folks familiar with my previous ramblings.
I should also add that I am sometimes candid in excess, frequently vulgar, often offensive, and yes, very opinionated.
That just about wraps it up for now.
See ya soon.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Before I became a cop I had this belief that as a general rule people were good and decent. I was wrong.
People suck. I personally prefer the company of dogs. They do not lie, they do not hate, and they do not know malice. they love unconditionally and their loyalty cannot be questioned.
Without turning this single topic into a novel I will just say that it seems to me that we have lost our way. Today's society is seriously lacking a great many qualities. Respect, honesty, courtesy, consideration, manners, and common sense. Morals and ethics. Sadly, with each new generation, things seem to digress. The list of causes for this sorry state is too long to tackle here and now, but to those of you who are raising or have raised children, I will say just this. It starts at home. Raise your children with strong values. Please! Be good role models, set good examples. Try to make the next generation a bit more decent than this one.
On social networks.
As I have a Facebook account, saying that I hate Facebook makes me a hypocrite, but it's a fact. Facebook sucks.
When I first signed up I thought it was the coolest thing since canned beer. Literally, within a few hours I had reconnected with people and friends that I had lost contact with decades ago. My list of friends exploded into the hundreds very quickly. I thought to myself that it was an amazing new age tool that made the world seem a little smaller. Today my friends list numbers less than fifty. It will probably get smaller. Over the years I have scrubbed it many times. Some friendships were meant to remain in the past. Fond memories and nothing more. In a few cases I realized that after all these years I never actually liked that person and questioned why they were ever my friend in the first place. And of course you have those old friends that you simply no longer have a damn thing in common with. You reconnect, promise to stay in touch and ultimately...don't.
And don't get me started on invitations to a universe of stupid shit. I can honestly say that I have never even looked at Farmville. I will admit to having been addicted to Bejeweled Blitz, but managed to break the habit.
Facebook in it's original incarnation was actually pretty cool. Timeline sucks a**. Someone should have heeded the old saying, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."
These days I check the feeds now and then, look at photos and send the occasional message. I have stopped following all but my closest friends and family members. As a means of staying in touch with people, well, I think I would prefer a phone call or a mail. Email would be okay as well.
On the latest Presidential Election
This opinion from the Augusta Chronicle says it better than I could.
Remember - you voted for it
When your taxes go up in January, remember that you voted for it. When health insurance becomes a death panel, remember that you voted for it. When you find more mosques than churches in your neighborhood, remember that you voted for it.
When the military loses most of its funding and our nuclear arsenal is gone while the rest of the world is arming against us, remember that you voted for it.
When your children legally smoke pot and become dumb as posts, remember that you voted for it. When education is a socio-sexual experience in which Lincoln, Washington and Jefferson are only faces on coins, remember that you voted for it. When free enterprise is replaced by socialist poverty, remember that you voted for it.
Cowards who feed off the rest of us, demanding food stamps, free health care, endless unemployment checks and who are demanding crucifixion of the rich – who are the ones who offer jobs – do not understand the real America I grew up in.
America is the land of the free, not the freeloader. We will never be free of government if our future is to only hold out our hands and beg.
I was a Star Trek nerd as child...still am really. Part of the appeal for me was the futuristic gadgets used. Oh how I wished those things were real!
I have to chuckle now and then when I think about how much technology has changed the the world behaves. I remember the phone my parents had on the wall in our kitchen, a rotary phone with a metal cradle for the receiver. The Slim Line model with backlit push buttons was a huge step forward. We had on of those in our next house. It had an extra long cord that allowed me to sit in our laundry room when my conversation required privacy.
I was in high school when the first cordless phones appeared. If I remember correctly ours was made by Panasonic. It was roughly the size of a brick with a three foot telescopic antenna. You could easily roam about fifty feet from the base before static began crackling.
In just a few decades we have shattered barriers to technological development and what a few years ago was just science fiction is fully integrated into our daily lives.
Gene Roddenberry would shit right in pants if he could see the device I'm holding right now. Without going into a sales pitch for my phone I will just say that I am happy that the Communicator and Tricorder (all in one) were invented in my lifetime.
In the last twenty years literally everything has changed. The way we keep in touch, watch television, play games, cook, drive and shop. The world of medicine has seen unbelievable advances and the way we fight wars is equally as impressive.
I am anxious to see what the next big will be.
I'm not a fan of organized religion. I don't like the idea that different congregations under the same faith can apply whatever interpretations they want to scripture. If I were a man of faith I would think that God wanted his word to be taken literally.
As it happens, I am not a man of faith. I have searched, and have yet to find anything close to genuine faith. I witness things almost every day that would have me believe we are on our own here.
Crime is up. Divorce is up. War is up. Hate is everywhere.
Granted, I have seen war up close and personal. I have also been divorced. I have been a cop and know first hand that people are capable of terrible things. My life's experiences may have biased me one way or another. I will not deny the existence of a higher power, but I tend to believe in the tangible.
That's all I have to say about that.
I wish I were a better man. For the sake of those closest to me and for my own peace of mind. My mistakes are many. From little things that made no real impact to serious blunders that have had far reaching ripples. As far as serious regrets are concerned, I only have a few.
At the top of the list is breaking my wife's heart. She deserved better and I let her down. I will go to my grave hating myself for that.
Not adopting my daughter. I always thought there would be time and before I knew it she was all grown up. I hope she knows that I love her as my own and always have.
Not saving for the future. I have been a financial wreck my entire life. Bad decisions, wreckless spending, not investing, and the result is nothing to show for a lifetime of hard work.
This has been a humble blog for the most part. I maintained a small number of regular readers that from time commented on a post. I thank you for returning time after time and taking an interest.
I have followed a few really good Law Enforcement blogs. Some are truly worthy of publication and would be the foundations of great novels.
I will no doubt continue to write, but not in this particular forum. I have a few ideas now for the direction I want to go. Maybe a few of you will be attracted to my future ramblings and recognize the style. If so, let me know. I'll leave this up and will check on it from time to time but have no intention of adding content.
To my comrads in blue...Thank you all for what you do. This is not a job for just anyone. You are valued and respected and I am honored to be counted among you.
10-7(not in service)